Its Showtime!

P 9 T X O M G

2010-03-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

Oh snap snap snappy-tans its been an incredibly impossible few weeks for showtime. I went off the bottle for the last couple of weeks, except lightly on the weekends, and that can only mean I have a shitload going on and not in the acting part. I havent even submitted in the past month, but I don't really care about that shit no mo.

Heres the rub, this weekend I am headed to Mammoth for my yearly snowboarding outing and to have a couple of drinks and a fucking cigar and then its on. I am challenging myself to get a beach body, in T-minus-90 days, by doing the P90X which requires nearly absolute submission or "islam" to the nutritional guide, supplement guide, and work out regimen. My asshole of a coworker is already calling it the P3X. Giving me an over under of 3 days before I pack up shop and bury my sorrows in a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed and handle of vodka.

Aside from this I have been working on three startups, and there may be another one on the way, we shall see after this weekend. Basically I need to get self sustaining passive income, lest I turn out to be a broke ass muthafucker. And no one wants to see this.

I am continuing to push my way throughThe Filmmakers Handbook however, more importantly, I have started to make my way through Directing Shot by Shot. The reason for my switching is because I am going to have a crew working the boom and hopefully a qualified DP, so right now I can forgo learning the nuassances and minutia of what filters, lenses and all this other crap do. What I need to consider is the artistic way I want to take my words and turn them into video. Yes this is it. Then I have to learn how to edit.

I was supposed to rehearse my first scene I wrote with the costar tonight, however I pushed it off to get other work done. I traded in drinking my nights away to working my nights away. I am unsure what I like better, being ultra productive and ultra tired, or being fat drunk and sleepy.

Its 1:50am on the west side. I still have about 2 hours of shit to do for one of my startups. Then I need to pick a stock for tomorrow before the opening bell. Awesome.

Oh one more thing, I started Level 2 Improv at Improv Olympic, its a great deal of fun but I suck. I suck because I cannot devote the energy needed to do a good job. I am going to stop the classes after this one until I can free up enough time to do it propers. I will say that taking an improv class has been a monumental help on how to construct comedy. Take a few classes at IOWest and you will be able to predict every game they play in 30 Rock.

Crazy.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Boom Shockalaca

2010-03-04T02:40:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been playing around with the Canon 7d as much as I would like. I have a few new books that I am trying to finish reading about making ones first film. I ordered a couple more books on story boarding, directing and shooting a film "shot by shot." I am pretty excited.

I have also been writing more. In fact, the reason why I am taking the time to write this blog now, at 250am, is because I have decided that instead of staying in bed and sleeping on a good scene idea, that I think of at bedtime, I now pull myself out of bed and write it on my compy. To its end.

A girl from the old school asked me to write a comedy scene for her and I to do. I shit one out in an hour, so you know, whatevs. It was kinda contrived even though she loved it and my comedian friend (see, that legitimizes the comedy) said that it was funny and "true." The latter always being more important than the former. She wants to meet up this weekend and discuss the scene and shoot it soon.
This was a pretty positive moment for me. If I am to make my own films, I have to get better at writing. Writing is extremely difficult for me. If anyone has read this blog at all, they know its not my strong suit. Whatevs.

I am also writing my first short to be 20 pages or so, I mean, however long it takes me to tell this awesome story. It is a story based around the cult that operates in my alley in ole Santa Monica. Its a lovely cult, nonetheless, they make for an interesting topic to shoot. Also taking notes from my main doo doo stain Robert Rodriguez, I am creating a story that I can shoot for little or no money.

I recently purchased a shotgun mic and boom, and may end up getting a starting light set. Greenscreen is a must. There will be nothing else for me to buy. All I have to do is get the people and this is pretty awesome. I would like to think that any DP would love to work on a film with a 7d, with the added bonus that they do not have to bring any hardware. We shall see. There are almost enough talented non-working crew as there are untalented non working actors.

I am also making one last purchase, buying Final Cut Studio off the back of a truck in Chinatown. I know that this is piracy, straight up, however I will ultimately buy the full version after -- you know -- I become young, black, and famous with money hanging out my anus.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Canon 7D is awsome, spending set to balloon

2010-02-27T16:05:00.000-08:00

I tried out the Canon 7D yesterday and it was brilliant. The 1080p is crazy, it takes stunning photos. I just want to get shooting already. The 6 lenses that the camera came with cover everything that I need to make a movie from long shots and close ups, fish eyes and everything in between. I am starting to get a feel for how to shoot stuff, physically, with the camera. Now I need to write a story and story board the shots which are a pain in the ass. Word is bond, the 7D, which a good enough editor and dp will be similar in look to a RedOne.

The camera came with one battery and 3x8gb compact flash. 1080p films at about 500mb/min. This gives me ~48 minutes of video on the memory cards, however I highly doubt the batter will last longer than 20 minutes or so. Have two extra batteries should allow me enough time to get a lot of footage. I also bought a $50 shotgun mic with boom. Its straight out of Hong Kong so it could be good quality but I am prepared for shit.

Either way, its go time son. GO TIME

SHOW TIME!!!

On a living spree

2010-02-25T17:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow my new camera arrives. I am pretty exciting. I have finished the book Digital Filmmaking 101. I have gotten a 200 pages into "The Bible". I have a really decent idea for a first short. And a few more ideas on the back burner. Now I need to a good shotgun mic for this mutha, a couple more batteries, a little mo memory, some lights and maybe a green screen.

I also invested in the P90x, and the whole shpeal. Allow me to say that over the course of the last few years, I have packed on some weight. Some weight that has not served me well in the audition room and some weight that has not served me well in life. I look like a programmer. No one wants to watch a programmer on the big screen. So its time to get back to my daggum fighting weight of 190 pounds.

Back to business. I am finishing up a few more side projects, and then I will be dedicating myself to this filmmaking adventure oh mine. It seems rather daunting. Whatevs. Its on the muthafucking New Years Resolution list. It must be done!

I did in fact purchase a $2100 camera

2010-02-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I have doing a bunch of contract software development so that I could justify making a gigantic one time purchase with "mad money." I have earned about $3400 doing extra curricular work, and I set as a new years resolution, that I would produce a short this year.

Today I took one giant leap forward by purchasing an awesome prosumer Canon 7D camera +6 Lens kit. I am excited with the purchases.

Now all I have to do is learn how to use the friggin thing.

I wrote about 3-4 pages of a short. I have about another 20-30 pages to go.
This is going to be an extremely trying project but I must force myself to do this massive undertaking if I am to not be another douchebag who and a dream once.

More coming soon.

ITS SHOWTIME.

Almost 30, time to get a real hobby

2010-02-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

So I haven't done much film in a while. Why?

Well, because I am tired of the process.
I wade through 100s of audition notices and submit for a subset of those.
Then its up to a director or casting director to decide if I am right for "any" part.
Then I audition.
Then if I am lucky, I get a role.
Then if I am really lucky it contains more than 5 lines, if you ain't a lead fuhgettaboutit.
Then if I am awesomely lucky the director films it well, goes into post and I get a great product.

There are a shit load of variables and I am a control freak. A control freak with a lot of disposable income, a brain full of stories, and time.

So what do I do?

I by a camera, a lighting kit, a tri pod, a mic, a boom and a green fucking screen.

Then comes the hard work.
I have to learn how to film. I am currently reading "The Bible" a.k.a. "The Filmmaker's Handbook."
I have a book on editing in Final Cut Pro, and all that crap.
I start and finish all the stories that I want to film.
Then I audition or pay a crew, but if actors will work for free, I have to imagine there are some crew members that will do the same.
Shoot that bitch.
Edit that bitch.
Send it to festivals, and the rest is history.

To be honest, its got to be much more rewarding, albeit more difficult, to create ones own stories than to go through the hoops of the average hollywood wannabe actor.

2 Things are certain if I make my own stories:
- I will believe in the story
- I will get more than 10 lines
- I will be more focused on the character, than trying not to fuck up the take.

ITS SHOWTIME.

Improv at IOWest

2010-02-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

I probably should have started blogging about this about a month ago, but:

About a month ago I started the Level One training at Improv Olympic West. I am trying to learn to love that there acting again. It has been really great to be part of an acting class again, and I really enjoy the improv. There is nothing worse then having to memorize a big script for a class, at least at this point in my life.

Tomorrow will be the 6th week. It only runs 7 weeks. My class has some really talented people. Better yet, it has some individuals that you cannot wait to watch act.

This class ties in very interestingly to Meisner. You need to laugh, have a point of view, understand the relationship, understand the environment and all that could stuff. However, instead of creating conflict by saying "no," in improv you create comedy by saying "yes." Its a rather interesting prospect:
Imagine the following...
Player 1: "I know you had sex with my wife!"
Player 2: "No I didn't"
Player 1: "Yes you did, she wrote about it in her diary."
[ this could create interesting conflict ]
The alternative:
Player 1: "I know you had sex with my wife!"
Player 2: "Yes I did, and she wrote about it in her diary."

Its the same information, the same line, accept the emotional through line of characters is different, the story a smidge lighter.

Its been an interesting adventure. I have been able to use a lot of my comical bantor devices that I use whenever meeting strangers or have nothing good to say. Like when I lie about my childhood, or my obsession with benwah-balls.

What hasn't flown are puns/word play and other annoying habits like inserting song lyrics for actual dialogue.

Whatevs its a learning experience.

An ole coworker and great friend of mine is also taking the class. She had convinced me, once, that if she were to perform in front of people, she would have a cardiac arrest. I am extremely happy to see that she is born-again hard. She thirsts for more stage time, and she loves it.

Level 2 starts at the end of the month, after I turn 30.
I imagine I will go through all of the levels.

The tragedy is that what I really want is to be absolutely brilliant, I may have to settle for "meh," once more.

ITS SHOWTEEEZEEEE

Time to get blogging again. Soon!

2010-01-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

Fanmail

Hey Showtime,

I was searching around for acting information and when I came upon your blog i couldn't stop reading it for about 6 hours. It was fantastic, and dealt with all of the issues I have come across in LA, from a real human beings perspective (aka someone from the east coast). I am a 24 year old actor who just started auditioning, as before I was focussing exclusively on pay the bills jobs to survive. Now that I have lowered my rent to $425 a month, Im in business to start acting. You went to an acting school that was the equivilent of the William Esper studio in NY, was it worth it? I have been to Ivanna Chubbuck and Harry Mastrogeorge, but I havnt found one that I really liked yet. Also, I have one more question about computers since you seem proficient with them. Im about to throw down for an imac and final cut express so I could make slates and maybe even some short films (Maybe with a sony handycam FX1 or some prosumer type hd camera costing around $1000 on ebay). My theory is you have to write and produce your own stuff as well as act, because people who act exclusively in the begginning stages get no respect and less chances to collaberate with people who actually make films. With all of that said, for my purposes should I buy the 21.5 inch or the 27 inch imac? I would like to do things as cheap as possible but I want the computer to have the power to handle these editing situations. Sorry to birage you with questions, but you seem like a cool guy so I thought fuck it, if he has some advice to give he'll give it. I wish you the best.
Break a leg,

Showtimela blog fan.

RESPONSE

A tear has been brought to my eye. I have been doing many things, however blogging has fallen by the wayside. Thanks for inspiring me to write again. And I will promise to use better grammar!

The Bill Esper Studio is pretty elite and he studied under Meisner. Joanne Barron studied under Bill and has added her own bit to the formula laid out by Sandie. My coach was a New Yorker who studied under Bill and Maggie Flanigan, the #1 and #2 rated teachers of that year, for what its worth. My coach was a strict-as-hell, playful, yet unrelenting acting teacher. He was amazing. I had major breakthroughs with him. My range broadened, the depth of character deepened. I fell in love with acting through his tutelage. I doubt they have teachers like him at JB/DWB Studios, anymore. The other teachers never were actors and don't know about acting. They only know what Joanne told them. Its a cult of personality over there.

Having said this, I do believe wholeheartedly in the Meisner methodology. I think that you could also do well take other classical training. Keep in mind its 2 years of actor training. It won't do anything for your cold reading skills which is how you are going to get the job! Not only this, but stage acting and screen acting are completely different. So if you are interested in film, look into a meisner for film class or something.

Okay so my latest blog entry was going to be similar to your final paragraph.

I am old. I am too old to take shitty parts playing characters I don't want to play, in stories I don't care to tell. So what does one do? They produce their own and try and get people to watch it.

1) I am a web developer by trade. Computers are my thang.
2) Don't buy a new mac if you are only going to edit movies on it. Find a nice refurbished one, or I can loan you my friends shitty old one that I used for iphone development. Thats a loan, not to keep. You can use it as long as I have my job or as long as you are editing movies. However, do not by a new mac, they are far too expensive, and all you need is something that can run Final Cut.
3) If all you are going to do is cut a slate, pay some film student at USC $150 to cut it for you
4) I am buying a Canon 7D camera on recommendations from two friends who are professionals. Packages on ebay costs ~$1500-~$1800. If you buy a nice camera, you can probably get a dp/director to shoot your film for free (meal, cut of film). Don't be fooled by the way the 7D looks (its to get out of european taxes).
5) I wish you all the best.

Talk to you soon.
Showtime

Got a call back and all that shit!

2009-09-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

So I got a callback to the walmart national which is awesome. It was on Monday and I haven't heard back which is not a good sign. I walked in to the audition and was told that I was audition for 2 different Walmart commercials which was great. The problem is that the 2nd role was an ice cold read and I didn't take it seriously, which blows. Now I know. Either way, its nice to know that I got a callback and that my agent is working.

I also filmed a viral for the new video game Max Hazard that will be on PSNet and XboxLive. Fingers crossed that the cut is good.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Things on a role...roll hahaah

2009-09-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

My friend sent me to audition for a Video Game viral commercial 2 weeks ago, so I will be acting as an out of work "Glass Joe" in an upcoming internet ad.

IN OTHER NEWS, MY AGENT GOT ME AN AUDITION!!!!!!!

My agent got me a Wal-Mart National Audition. I felt great coming out of it, I am really excited.

Tomorrow I have an audition for a Cinemax show.

H2D

ITS SHOWTIME!!!!

My agent actually has me excited.

2009-09-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

I went in to meet my *new* agent. She said my name and shook my hand. I had never felt any dignity from an agent before.
She was extactic about my headshots and she told my my old headshots are "geeky" and not going to get me work, but that my
new ones are awesome. This is a departure from all the other bull shit about "you need new looks" which is common among the bottom feeders in showbiz.

I then told her that I was crashing casting calls because "you guys aren't sending me out and I aint got time to waste." She said that she will be sending me out and that I have a great look, and to give her time. I told her I would hold off while we try to get this shit off the ground.

Interestingly enough, I have no smiling business looks so I need a knew one of those, which I will be taking this weekend with a friend, and then it should be on like donkey kong.

On Caturday I met with the director of the short I shot 3 weeks ago. He said that I was awesome, the film was awesome, and he wants me for his next movie, but that I have to work out more because I need to look like a model. All in all, fucking awesome week.

We shall see,
ITS SHOWTIME!!

I was an S&M Director

2009-09-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was in a short indie where I played a small part for for a friend. I played the role of a director filming an S&M film, within the film. Let me tell you, watching a girl beat my friend with a cat-o-nine-tails was a wild experience.

The film shot in Victorville which is a pass through city with every chain in the world from Sonic to Red Lobster. I ate endless ship, though it did come to an end.

This week, I will begin crashing commercial auditions like a scumbag because I just don't give a shit about the rules of this business anymore.

Fuck em, ITS SHOWTIME!

The hardest movie I ever filmed

2009-08-31T23:13:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I filmed the hardest film I have ever filmed. The director did not have us rehearse and gave us no instruction, which can be a good thing, before filming. My interpretation of the script was not on par with his. Also, it was a comedy. I suck balls at comedy. Yeah I am a funny fucking guy but picking up comedy off of text and not making it shticky....well, folks, that aint my fucking cup of tea.

One two different scenes, there were over 10 takes. That is unheard of. And the issue was that the scenes were so long that I was getting into robot mode where I couldn't add any creativity to it. Oi! It was a labor of love. I think my co-actors thought I sucked and you know what?? I guess thats okay so fuck it.

Fuck off Hollywood,

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Of Guns, Gersh and Gettin Real

2009-08-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

So today I had a general meeting with Michael Zanuck Agency. I may be moving up in the world from the worst agency in the world: The Jerry Pace Agency. I haven't been sent out in a year for a commercial, and my previous agent at Pace left the agency to become a full time fluffer in Chatsworth. Apparently giving $10 tug jobs for b-list porns was more lucrative than the Pace percentary. Fuck em.

I recently bought a gun when I was drunk. The magazines are illegal cause they are hi-cap (13 rounds). Anyway that doesn't mean I cannot use the gun. I loaned it out, highly illegal (boy I am a libertarian rebel, look at me now), to a friend who is shooting a scene. He was only able to get a rifle and was in need of a pistol for the second actor. He believes that it is fate that I bought the gun. Anyway, after I shoot my film this weekend, I am going to give him my real and he is going to refer me to the theatrical department at the Gersh Agency.

Big Dicks.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Still on mutha****in life support.

2009-08-15T16:18:00.001-07:00

Another month goes by, and no blogging, so here is the digest.

I recently went to happy hour to send off another coworker who is leaving Gorilla Nation Media, a company that has imploded on itself by rapid growth and investment in middle management rather than a solid foundation. Anyway, at the meeting a met a girl who left GNM a few months ago and has found herself working in a commercial production company that happens to do its own casting: enter showtime. I begin talking to her and soon enough, after obliging her with polite conversation and letting her brag about how great her new boss is compared to her old, she tells me to send my package over with a management and agent information.

Easy Win.

Last sunday, August 9th, I went in for an audition, my first in a month, for some role in an indie short. I then read cold for the another role that I had not been assigned. Lo & behold, I get that role I coldread for and it happens to be the meat of the shot, with two monologues (an actors big chance to get emotionally involved with the text). This is very good news, I just need to get my balls out there and do this thing.

Other things going on in my life include launching tourguyde.com and an Android mobile application, startup. Its been really business, I hardly find time to drink in peace.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

p.s. Lil Showtime, Jessie Nickson of "A rose is a rose is a rose" blog fame seems to be kicking ass and taking names. Go git em girrrrrrrrrl!

Auditions and management....

2009-07-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

Interestingly enough, a week after I am back I have already received an email from a horrific talent agent in town asking for my headshot and resume as pilot season nears. What does a horrible actor do? Well, I will send it to him.

I also bombed the shit outta of an audition at USC two days ago. I am so damned rusty. I was breathing heavy like Sarah Palin at her last televised conference. Pathetic, pathetic pathetic. In any event. I am on a come back. I am on the road to mediocrity son.

I also have a Mac, now. I want to get final cut and do some thangs with that shit.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

its showtime.

From the depths of hell I return....

2009-06-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time. Too long. I haven't acted. I haven't audiitioned. I havent heard from my acting friends. I haven't heard from "my agent." I was left for dead on the blvd of broken dreams. My life and dreams in shambles. What remains is a soulless drone, having escaped the horrible realm of Gorilla Nation Media's IT department. I am using what is left of my dreams, my creativity, and my blood to try and resurrect the once happy, once creative, and once fame starved shit-stack that was "ShowtimeLA."

New rules:

When you cease to be able to persue your dreams. Leave your job.
If your job is so exciting that it has replaced your old dreams with new ones, disregard the previous, and pat yourself on the back, you could be well on your way to fulfilling your destiny.

I let my domain expire. I have no actors domain anymore. Who gives a fuck. Right? Facebook is the new ish. You can have fans there.

Yesterday was the first time in 4 months that I signed onto LACasting.com and ActorsAccess.com --- holy shit! The former account only cost $10 to resurrect and the latter was still going strong. I think I am going to take my dick out of my ass and audition.

I weight 205lbs. My headshots were taken at 195lbs. And my resume says 185lbs. Will the casting directors notice a difference? Yes. I can't even fit into my suit.

Do you know what its like drinking your life away? Sure its fun at the time. Then you realize you spent the better part of your late 20s drunk fat and stupid, missing out on the only beautiful thing LA has to offer: sunshine.

I am getting excited about life again. I met Ron Fucking Paul.

I am starting to think that perhaps my life is worth something. Perhaps I can do the scary thing and try to better my lot. All I need to do is give it a real shot.

ShowtimeLA

SHITS GETTING CRAZIER

2009-02-18T17:30:00.001-08:00

Oh snap, Melissa Cohen is fighting back, bring up God and shit:

Dear Clients,

This in response to an unauthorized e-mail sent out by Marcia today.

Yes, it seems that we will become two different agencies; Dedicated and The Jerry Pace Agency.

But for right now, Jerry & I still are running Dedicated.

Marcia should not have sent you an e-mail. He does not have the authority to e-mail my clients.

But when you are trying to take over an agency, I guess people will do crazy things...

Here are the facts;

While I was in New York last week tending to my aunt who is suffering from Alzheimer’s; Jerry Pace
took actions to take over our agency. You should know that Jerry & I are equal partners in Dedicated Talent Agency. We both own it. Marcia Robins is not.

This is what Jerry, Marcia and Dean have done in the last two weeks in an attempt to takeover Dedicated.

Mr. Pace e-mailed lacasting to change codes without my permission. Misleading an employee of lacasting, stating that Mr. Pace was the owner of Dedicated Talent Agency.

The owner of lacasting then checked with the Labor Dept. and a Labor official confirmed that I am an equal partner on our talent license.

Mr. Pace mislead a bank official at HSBC/ Encino branch, and changed the banking records; taking me off the bank accounts. The HSBC bank official was told by Mr. Pace that “Jerry & Marcia would be the new signers on the account and they were waiting for their papers”. Before
last week, my name was on all of the Dedicated bank accounts.

Mr. Pace changed the locks on the Dedicated office. He told the manager of the building that I was no longer with the agency. I called the manager of 4717 Van Nuys Blvd and explained that I was “of course” still working at the agency, the manager called Mr. Pace and demanded that he give me a copy of the new key. Which he did immediately.

I think it's important that you know the character of Jerry Pace and Marcia Robins and that they would do such terrible things in trying to steal my agency. I feel sad that such evil is in the world.

But I believe in God and I forgive Jerry and Marcia already.

Just to clarify, I am still running Dedicated Talent Agency. I am on the lease of 4717 Van Nuys Blvd. I am on our talent license, I am on the corporation know as Dedicated Talent Agency.

Please don't let this upset you. I am in complete control. Our agency is submitting as normal; and none of this will interrupt the normal day to day operations of Dedicated.

Please e-mail me agentcohen@yahoo.com if you have any questions.

Melissa Cohen
Commercial Division Head,
Dedicated

OH SNAP SHITS GETTING CRAZY AT DEDICATED

2009-02-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

I got this 2 days ago:

Hi everyone!

Jerry Pace, most of the staff and I are separating with Melissa Cohen. Two agencies will be formed. Everyone with me is more than welcome to stay with me...unless you do not want to. But, please feel that you will always have a place here and not to worry. We hope to get through this transformation as painlessly as possible. E-mail me as always with any concerns.

Have a great day!

Marcia @ Dedicated

Hollywood meets the recession....

2009-02-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

As I put in my previous post. I have not done much, in fact, I haven't auditioned in a couple of months. But that is fine. I needs to write some stuffs.

Anyway, I recently had a meeting with high-profile manager XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX. We discussed lots of things, where to get pizza, hows his wife, where I can get a tug job for pennies on the dollar. At one point I asked him how our acquaintance/friend was doing. This gentlemen had written a script that had been bought and had XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX attached. The manager told me that the script was dead in the water. While the attached b-lister (former a-lister) was great, he was no lead, no anchor and because of the times, the producers dropped out.

The writer has been told by his wife that if he doesn't get a job this weekend, he will be kicked out of the house.

Tough times for all.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Not much acting, but alot is going on.

2009-02-03T23:39:00.000-08:00

So I went back to Virginia and then on to Croatio and Bosnia over the Xmas holiday. I have used up all of my vacation. I haven't been auditioning, and I didn't get the agent at Abrahms, however I will call back in another couple of months, as I have the agents card. Its not one of those "I'll call you things." I am fat. I am 20 lbs heavier than I was with I looked great. I need to lose this. While Abrahms may not have had space for me on their roster, I certainly can get in shape and do my best to knock someone out, to make room for me.

Anyway, so I am kinda bored with acting. I still like it, but I would much rather write my own words and create roles that I want to play rather than taking off work to be a part of someone elses creation.

Earlier this week I got a call from an old director pal who needs me to come back to rap up the web series I was in.

Just today I got called back from the Virtual Channel Network, which never worked out, and they need help monetizing their sight. In return for my guidance on monetization of internets they will post my demo reel for free. Thats $100 value. What evs.

I have been working on non-film side projects that seem to be a lot more sexy than Hollywood.

Anyway, I am trying to get back in shape, limit my alcohol and get excited about the craft. I have been saving money so that I can possibly shoot something of my choice. Who knows. In any event. I will start posting again as soon as more shit happens.

ITS SHOWTIME.

Bay Cities is where magic can happen....

2008-12-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

So if any of you Hollywood wannabes want to run into your A list talent and get a great foookin sandwich while you are at it, might I suggest: Bay Cities Deli on Lincoln Blvd between Colorado and Broadway. If you want to be a big fat stalker, older your sando and hang out at the sandwich pickup line for a few hours.

Viggo Mortenson (lives just south of Rose) is always showing up there. If you ever see a truck with Indiana plates, run inside like a 15 year old girl and scream "Viggo!," hes in there for sure.

Keanu Reeves is also a big fan of good sandwiches and as GQ pointed out, the sandwich savvy connoisseur now goes to Bay Cities for The Godmother (its my personal choice asswell).

oooooh yeah, and Harrison Ford rolled up today, which is pretty cool.

I am telling you, forget Opera, and hit up the bcdeli y'alllllllll!

ITS SHOWTIME!

Showtimes back, and better than ever....

2008-12-22T00:21:00.000-08:00

After not taking any acting classes, and allowing my creativity to flourish under a director who allowed me to have fun, my latest short is a hit. Watching it even made me laugh, which is great. I enjoyed working with this director my first time around, his script even one an award. This time I get to come at the script from different angles attempting to draw some things out of my co-actor. The end result is a pretty entertainment piece.

A few comments:
"hahahahaha it was funny, you were awesome!!!" -XXXXXX XXXXXX

[responding to fears that the footage is horrible]
"Horrible... its absolutely the opposite of horrible... its the greatest film ever produced.
The acting and the scene cuts are timeless." -XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

"I think it's funny, the few times you called her by the wrong name ended working nicely." --- XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX

ITS SHOWTIME!

BIG THINGS POPPIN

2008-12-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

My manager got me a general meeting with Abrams Artist Agency for January 8th 2009. The day after I return from Croatia. This means I have exactly 27 days to drop 20 lbs. Its time to make shit happen.

Showtime Out!

UPDATE: The agent I am interviewing with is from my hometown and from my alma mater. If I fuck this up I will return to XXXXXXXXX with my balls in my hand.

Package messengered to Abrams this morning.

2008-12-10T12:30:00.000-08:00

My manager messengered my Abrams package including my new demo reel, my six looks, cover letter and post cord. Stardom is only a heart beat away. So is the strike.

F SAG

Its Showtime!

New Demo Reel coming monday!

2008-12-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

With the winter holidays coming up, I gotsta gets my demo reel to my shawty before her Abrams contact goes home. I called up the director from a web series I did a year ago and got my footage from that over to my demo reel guy at Beverly Hills Demo Reels. He said he will have a prototype on monday.

Funny thing.

Last night I had the luxury of talking shop with XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX a manager to one of the most successful celebrities in Hollywood. He told me that I was nobody and threw my Smet hat in the trash several times. However he did give me some advice and was pretty candid telling me that as a no name in Los Angeles, I need to start with the right foot forward. I would disclose what he told me however he said that it was million-dollar advice and that I would be stupid if i did so i wont.

I am meeting my manager at starbucks to discuss options for proceeding.

=============
Also, with the economy in the shitter I am trying my hand at creating a startup.

The blog is called y-a-s-b.

Abrams Artist here Im is....

2008-11-28T15:53:00.000-08:00

So.... through XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX I have the extreme wonderful opportunity to get a general meeting the commercial and theatrical division of Abrams Artist Agency. This is a golden and rare opportunity, because I am actually be vouched for by an industry manager. So if I fuck it up colossally I will be tarnishing the reputation a pro.

In any event, to get ready I need to redo my demo reel, but this time around, I am pretty happy with the work. After rewatching my festival touring film, I found it much more of a nice experience. I also found a beautiful ~25 second two shot to include in my reel. I went online and found the web series I did. There is actually 2.5 minutes of quality footage from that. And I will then use about 45 seconds from my previous reel. Hopefully I can chop this down to about 2 minutes.

ITS SHOWTIME, THE LAST STAND..

Magic Castle and an ole friend

2008-11-27T16:01:00.000-08:00

A friend and I went to the Magic Castle to see a performance by Justin Kredible, whom my friend is creating a show with. I am a sucker for all things magic, and everything was quite amazing. The Magic Castle, itself, was quite an amazing building, beautifully set just north of Franklin Blvd in Hollywood. There are magicians performing card tricks everywhere and some of the things they did were quite amazing.
Justins performance was great, and afterwards we talked to him, he was really cool.

And everyone at the Magic Castle makes fun of Cris Angel and David Blane... the Dane Cooks of the magic industry, which only made the experience cooler.

We got a drink at the bar and I ran into an old friend from Virginia who everyone told me to contact when I came out here. She has been here for 7 years, works in casting, and is still pursuing the dream. I will call her for some face time.

We then went to S Bar, tried to get into Winstons, then Guys... I woke up and wanted to die.

Can we get some god damned professionalism...

2008-11-19T21:17:00.000-08:00

[ at the risk of sounding like a hypocrite ]

Last night I did a project for a friend, the director of my award winning short. My co actor, small world, was a girl from my Amy Lyndon class. She is very nice and we get along really well but last night really turned me off to her. She was, in my mind, bazaar in her unprofessionalism to wit:

The director was having us do many many many takes, to play around with a lot of words (an actors best friend) to see with we could take these words on the page and justify them through our intentions (the justification of words on a page is one way you can separate talent from a fucking script reader).
Well, first off, she asked "why are there so many words?" to which I responded; "Because if there were no words we would be fucking extras." Apparently you can have to many words... fuck it, I would rather do a feature film that was a monologue about me and my love for a fresh bowl of pesto.
Secondly, she was so tense that she couldn't have fun, after the first take she audibly said "that sucked." I responded trying to laugh it off: "Shut the hell up."
She repeated her disapproval after many takes.
Lastly, after we were done, the director thanked us and said that he would have the cut ready for us in a week, she said to him: "I don't wanna see it, I am embarrassed."

This project, albeit small, actually has me wanting to do character work again.

I walked XXXXXXXX to her car, where she repeatedly said that she was not a character actor but that she wanted to be "boring" like "Scarlett Johannson," just "be herself," not put any effort into the character. Heads up faggots: There are movie stars and there are actors. They are not the same thing.
Anyway she said how good I did, I told her that she didn't do so bad herself. However I did deride her about her unprofessionalism and hope that she will keep those comments to herself after all:

Actors, the movie isn't your movie, its the producers and the writers, and most importantly the directors

... you merely carry the plot line and do your best to realize the text. So don't take yourself so seriously. Even horrible actors make millions, even oscar winners get nominated for razzies, and even Showtime is still waiting for his big break.

Lets get HIP son!

2008-11-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah, one of showtimes industry friends has a manager in New York who is going to hip pocket and submit this old bitch. Being Hip Pocketed by a legit New York rep, is like having a 12" cock and a talent agent at ICM ... see in New York they actually have this thing called "talent" and agents actually vet their talent, where as Los Angeles is more about looks, leave the talent to "post."

FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Hide quoted text -

On Fri, Nov 14, 2008 at 1:25 PM, XXXX XXXXXXXXX wrote:

I'm sending to my manager buddy in NYC. I'll get him to hip pocket you and submit you for auditions.

XXXXXX XXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX XXXX Entertainment

Just an FYI about last weeks Entourage

2008-11-19T21:05:00.000-08:00

The place where Jamie-Lynn Siegler takes Turtle, where the serve the best jumbalaya, and the only place in Los Angeles where you could hypothetically see a white tv star at an all black restaurant is :

La Louisanne.

Its located in Ladara Heights, where Showtime does his workin' and struttin'. It does have some great jumbalaya, Shrimp Po'boy, and blackened cat fish.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/la-louisanne-los-angeles#hrid:HqX-ig9r4WS1nRlkMsm6lA

Thats it... I just love the restaurant!

OH SHIT!!!!.........

2008-11-06T00:18:00.000-08:00

ARI GOLDS BROTHER IS NOW OBAMA'S CHIEF OF STAFF!!!!

Way to go Ari Gold!

Ron Paul 2012.

O, to be a hollywood actress type

2008-10-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hot women have a double edge sWORD in Hollywood. On the one hand, d-bag assistants at William Morris and CAA, and indeed a lot of creepy managers will approach them at The Grove, Winstons, the Green Door or any other washed up LA space and court them and accelerate their respective network of industry people.

On the other hand, while Hollywood perpetually sets the bar lower and lower (its currently through the floor), the bar for beauty and talent for women is always being raised.

To Wit:
I walk into a commercial audition for XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX today and, lo' and behold, there are 10000000 women of varying colors, heights, and ethnicities, all pretty good looking, then there are 2 guys.... I am not shitting you, 2 guys. I had 5 minutes to prepare while a girl who had walked in before me had an average wait time of 2 hours. Not only this, but the guy who went before me, the other guy, was less attractive than i am, and I am fucking heinous. Tisk tisk.

End note:
So the dialogue was about my girlfriend's jeans and I touch them and find out that they are wet. Naturally when she is explaining this to me I listen to her and then I look down at her jeans back and forth. However it is all said and done, the casting director loved it, but said that I didn't stop looking at the girls asshole the entire time. Great, I am a fat creep. And she was black so I ruined race relations.

You INDUSTRY ASSISTANTS are D-BAGS

2008-10-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we all know about the fucking UTA job list, and the truth of the matter is that you United Talent guys get all the good jobs before that list is ever published so the file isn't worth the effort it takes to send it to my trash folder...shooot....

I WANNA WORK FOR ARI EMANUEL FUCKERS!!! GET ME IN!!!!!

Anyway the same Bilbo-Douche-Baggins that publish those jobs are the ones that now publish an industry elitest eponymous spoof blog.

I understand that 99% of the 'actors' in this town are turds, hungry losers, sycophantic tools, but I thought that relationships I built giving back alley blow jobs at the Hollywood Beirut League (one of the ubiquitous industry beerpong tournaments) were with individuals of character and integrity. O, Industry...what do I do now.

Rock-n-rolla,

SHOWTIME!

The Man IS BACK

2008-10-15T13:31:00.001-07:00

On Acting:
So ... I quit my acting class while the market is going through that this turmoil. I lost about $10,000 in the crash/panic and so I decided to remove all my moneys from my market account. I refinanced my BMW known as "Sophia," and I am getting ready to explode on the scene.

Las Vegas:
This past weekend I went to Vegas and had an awesomely comped (cause all my friends are ballers) trip, staying at the Palazzo then club hopping between Tao Night Club and Lavo. It was nice and relaxing, in fact it is what is commonly known in the Hollywood circles as a "chillaxitive."

Weight gain and depression:
So I gained a shit load of weight the past few months and have not been able to get back to my fighting weight. I have been depressed as fuck and didn't want to act. So what is Showtime to do? Well..... go back to fighting. I have returned to the Bev Hills Jiu Jitsu Club and I am already feeling more fit. In fact I have submitted peeps with the triangle choke twice in as many days. I can feel the weight leaving me. I have Muay Thai tonight which should be good.

On Acting:
Yesterday I took my lunch hour to go up to Samuel French. I am determined to get a new commercial agent and talent agent.

My manager submitted me for a Scientology role. Yeah, they are bunk, who cares.

From my commercial class teacher, Caroline Duncan:

Hello darlings!!
Guess what? This week both XXXXXXXX and XXXXX booked national commercials! and XXXXX was Taft-Hartley'd into SAG!!! HOOORAY for the team!!
Also, we shall resume class this week, and you guys can also drop in any Thursday night from now on, and it's just $25 for THIS GROUP only. So keep your mouth shut about your discount to the other students who are hopefully paying twice that. If you refer someone to me who signs up, ye shall be granted a free class, and they shall get the friend discount of $150 for the 4 weeks instead of the $200 for 4 weeks rate.
So, PLEASE COME THURSDAY!! YOU ARE ROCKSTARS! THE WHOLE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO SHOWER YOU WITH BLESSINGS!!!
Let me know by Thursday morning if you're coming!!
XOXO
Caroline

I NEED ME A MUTHA FUCKIN COMMERCIAL AGENT WHO WILL SEND ME OUT 5 TIMES A WEEK SON!

MORE TO COME BITCHES

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Total fucking bullshit.

2008-09-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

This past friday night was the night that was supposed to change everything. I was supposed to go to the LOT and see a film that drained me off all energy, inspiration and emotion. It was supposed to begin the era of Showtime as a serious actor. Instead, some asshole left my name off the lot list. I was refused entry to universal, of course my guests name was clearly on the list, just not mine. By the time the issue was cleared up, I had missed the friggin premier.

I left the producer an livid text. Fuck it, I am going to premier the movie over at XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXs house in fucking style. Fuck this second rate hollywood bullshit, fuck it.

The perfect storm.....

2008-09-17T13:40:00.001-07:00

The stars are aligned.

I have my first audition using my long-hair gorgeous glamor shots. I am taking Caroline Duncans "book that muthafuckin commercial" commercial class for booking that muthafuckin commercial..

ITS HOTLINE.COM SHOWTIME!!

Update: Storm abated, these chuckle heads went "older," i.e. 25-35 is no longer "dad."

You sirrious LL, you buggin, Shitty blog 16!!

2008-09-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

Oh no they didn't. Ne-Yo, and Ladies Love are rollin up to Kress and throwin down. I mean shit, you tellin me they aint even gonna holla atta playa before they arrive on my turf. And of course they wanna know how to do The Fish so I am cutting acting class and having them come down to my bachelor in the 90056, ya heard! ... Shoot. And I was trying not to be wil'n'out this week. Fuck it, I gotta stay fly.

Update: Went to Kress. The lines were disorganized as shit, no one was getting in except for celebrities. All in all, this place isn't meant to handle hundreds of people. Fuck it, never again.

The Greatest Commercial Class Ever.....

2008-09-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

My ex classmate Caroline Duncan, has booked over 50 national commercials in the past few years. 50....FIFTY!!! I remember seeing her in 4 simultaneously running commercials last year, and was like: what the fuck does this chick do to book. Aside from having an awesome agent at Abrams, and a beautiful smile, she also a natural love for auditioning and taking the teeth out of casting directors and working with them to accomplish the goal, making their job easier, and getting the job. ...where was I...anyway, she needed dudes in her class and asked me to come.. I was a little reluctant, but I found out that it was only 4 weeks long so I went. I soon found myself to be the only actor that had never booked a national, it was awesome. Everyone else had booked national commercials, and even XXXXXXXX XXXXXX a recurring player on everything from the West Wing and CSI, to guest stars on all the greatest 1 hour dramas was there. Anyway everyone was really great, and I learned a shitload... like how to do a good slate and what to think about when getting ready for all of the questions and shit that can be asked at the audition.

Thursday we will be reading copy... I cannot wait.

Update: For inquiries into the class email carolineduncan@gmail.com

Mom, you're not the only one!

2008-09-12T00:16:00.000-07:00

It is always wonderful to find people that read my blog and enjoy it. This is the reason why I do it! Aside from sparing my sanity.

Hey Mr. Showtime.

Going through your blog that I randomly found when doing some research on acting online. It is amazing and I truly appreciate the satire/sarcasm you imbed in each post very much along the lines of Joe Eszterhas... Keep blogging borther, you're helping many people!

[ Spirit ]

NEW FUCKING UPDATE

2008-09-12T00:05:00.001-07:00

2008 Sep 7 321,672

I jumped 446%......!!!!! I AM FAMOUS!!!

You are only as cool as IMDB says you are....

2008-09-11T23:57:00.001-07:00

And I suck....May 18th 2008 marks the most famous I will ever be. Awesome!

Date Rank
2008 Aug 31 1,260,906
2008 Aug 24 402,148
2008 Aug 17 391,149
2008 Aug 10 319,742
2008 Aug 3 485,422
2008 Jul 27 405,097
2008 Jul 20 1,080,656
2008 Jul 13 649,342
2008 Jul 6 673,764
2008 Jun 29 374,348
2008 Jun 22 634,320
2008 Jun 15 279,911
2008 Jun 8 226,508
2008 Jun 1 418,061
2008 May 25 808,784
2008 May 18 95,699
2008 May 11 1,092,115
2008 May 4 1,422,765
2008 Apr 27 535,329
2008 Apr 20 292,543
2008 Apr 13 469,647
2008 Apr 6 1,097,273
2008 Mar 30 225,730
2008 Mar 23 499,165
2008 Mar 16 170,886
2008 Mar 9 790,351
2008 Mar 2 1,178,658
2007 Apr 22 1,754,183
2007 Apr 15 1,754,162
2007 Apr 8 1,744,536
2007 Apr 1 1,735,140
2007 Mar 25 1,728,265
2007 Mar 18 1,720,053
2007 Mar 11 1,716,019
2007 Mar 4 1,712,056
2007 Feb 25 1,700,633
2007 Feb 18 1,695,891
2007 Feb 11 1,695,879
2007 Feb 4 1,687,951
2007 Jan 28 1,679,868
2007 Jan 21 1,668,360
2007 Jan 14 842,605
2007 Jan 7 1,666,364
2006 Dec 31 1,660,968
2006 Dec 24 1,660,041
2006 Dec 17 1,650,427
2006 Dec 10 1,646,288
2006 Dec 3 1,646,293
2006 Nov 26 1,646,227
2006 Nov 19 1,638,345
2006 Nov 12 1,630,259
2006 Nov 5 1,622,634
2006 Oct 29 1,621,172

Industry beer pongs, bears no fruit.

2008-09-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I got the skinny on a place where agents assistants go to play beer pong and talk about the world their will inherit. They play at XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX in Hollywood. I went there and tried to talk to them. I saw Ben Silverman's assistant, and say hello, he gave me a swift kick to the testi-boys. No one cared that I was the next big actor. They just didn't. Its almost like the didn't know and didn't care that I was gracing them with my presence. I was escorted from the bar after 5 minutes.

True story.

SHOWTEMPUS EST!!

At the film festival, we win things

2008-09-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

YEEEAH!!

I went to my film festival on Tuesday. The film which I starred in, "Lawn God vs. the Dan-de-Leon" won best screenplay. There you have it, the acting SUCKED, but the screenplay was good enough to win...so actors, don't ever think you need good acting to have a good screenplay, or a good film.

Here is a picture at the office of one of my industry friends who refuse to help me in any capacity.
See those, those are emmy's. I will never have a real one, my friends company has 12. For a second I felt like a winner, before my friend caught me and said "if you don't put those back, you'll never work in this town again.....now get on the casting couch!"

Tonight I am going to the commercial class of an old friend. This friend had, at one point, 3 national commercial running this past year. She still is not able to get a great theatrical agent. That is showbiz. Anyway, I am going because she needs men. I told this to a horn dog coworker who wants in.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

p.s. I may be going to Sam Ronsons party this weekend, I will ask her about the LiLo rumours, that saucy skank.

Showtime is Not HAPPY

2008-08-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

My friend and coworker leaked the Guns N Roses latest record "Chinese Democracy" a few months ago. Today he was arrested by the FBI at his house:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0827082gnr1.html

That is not cool, however perhaps he will when his case and once and for all settle the debate on music, leaking, piracy, and digital thievery.

Its OhShitTime.

Throwing this mutha into overdrive....

2008-08-21T21:59:00.001-07:00

Today I went to my manager/acting-teacher Amy Lyndon, and she picked out headshots that she believed would get me in the door. I have to be honest... ITS FUCKING SHOWTIME. I passed the information to my photographer Francesco Cura who is going to make the mug look more beautiful. Its going to be great. I can already feel the juices flowing.

I have some great material to VLOG to send to the Hollywood reporter, and I have reworked my first 3 webisodes....now if I can just come up with the $12,000 to make it happen.

I can't wait.... FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD I GOT YOU BY THE BALLS!!!!!

ITS SHOWTIME!

p.s. I can now be found at

http://www.showtimetheblog.com

I posted one of my headshots...its time to come out of the shell.

Tila Tequila, Lindsay, get outta the mop

2008-08-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

So I ended up going to Apple last night. Yeah, I went to the downstairs club, open bar? yep, and free food.... no, you will never go there so don't even ask, don't even tell em Showtime sent you.

I did, in fact, put on my dancing shoes but only I was "a leetle beet drunk" ... Samantha Ronson was on the steal wheels, the entire whos-who of the industry were outside smoking, Lindsay Lohan was extremely low-key (I thought we were friends), Tila Tacquilla showed up with her new girlfriend, the Hilton sisters where doing their thing, I think I even saw Mickey Avalon.

Its was a great time, when all was said and done, and only $7 to park.....SEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS to go to a club opening and drink all night.

Special thanks to Allison Melnick the owner, who couldn't have been more wonderful.

ITS SHOWTIME!

P.s. If any of you are there, eat the fried chicken, its out of THIS world.

Yeah, lets put on the ole dancin shoes....

2008-08-12T02:10:00.000-07:00

I guess its time for me to put on my penny loafers and get ready to do the jitterbug and cut up some rug.

Someones gonna make a complete ass out of himself.

OH YEAH!!!!

You actors just don't know....

2008-08-03T04:58:00.001-07:00

tonight I went out with XXXXXXX XXXXXX and I met the 1st assistant of XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. She was really awesome, she was a complete sweetheart when she wanted to be, and a complete cunt when she needed to be. She is the 1st assistant to one of the most powerful people (top 5) in Hollywood. In fact, there is a charicatured on the emmy winning series XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I then met people who work pretty close to Ben Silverman, agents, assistants, and coke fiends at William Morris, Endeavor, CAA, UTA, etc. I spoke with a chick who writes a big blog, who competes with the blogs that my company represents (X17Online.com, per se), she is a comedy writer and said she would read my whack ass script. I went to a mansion party in the hills, my blackberry cut out, do you know where you have to go in Los Angeles to lose reception? To richy rich land. The dude was extremely cool. In fact everyone I met was really cool, because I was legit... I was a web developer.
I went to Norms with a TV developer, and ate a muthafuckin lumberjack meal.

Many of the people I met were Ivy League... its pretty crazy that these guys will spend a decade in the mailroom making $35k a year for an attempt to fill Ari Gold's shoes.
Can I tell them I am an actor? No.
Can I get hammered with them? yes.
Am I sitting alone at 5am blogging while getting hammered wishing that i could have said: "Mr. Endeavor Man, please give me a job?" Yes.

The fact of the matter is that when I had no connection to these agents and managers and shit, I believed, as all actors due, that all I need is representation from ICM and then I could sit back and play with my niggidy-nizzuts and watch the money pile up. The truth of the matter is that by the time an actor gets ICM representation they have already done so much of the leg work that ICM really just gets them in touch with more powerful people and higher paying projects. Hollywood is dog-eat-dog, and no one is going to "discover you." Make it happen and drop your expectations.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Oh yeah, and Endeavor's XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX wants to make a fucking anti-Entourage web series.... so the heat is on. LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Writer/Producer/Director/Actor debut

2008-08-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

So I am almost ready with my scripts to produce for the The Hollywood Reporter's Virtual Channel Network. I talked earlier with XXXXXXXX XXXX who is chomping at the bit to see some material.

After realizing that one-man writing is flat and shitty, for me, I start spitballing ideas with XXXXXXX XXXXX and it illuminated so many more funny things.

I spoke with some people I will be using as actors, who are actually agents and some comedians. I don't want to use real (nonunion) actors because I don't want people who want to be seen. If I need someone to say "heres your coffee" I don't want some shitbird trying to give an oscar worthy performance.

ITS ABOUT TO GET WILD IN LOS ANGELES.

SHOWTIME!

Showtime is gonna be Big Time

2008-08-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

The director email us back today. Sounds like the movie is gonna be off the motherfucking change.

The first email:

On Fri, Aug 1, 2008 at 12:47 PM, <[THE DIRECTOR]@gmail.com> wrote

Hello. we have a rough cut done and I am headed back to clean it up this week. we should have picture lock by mid-next week. looks amazing. so many comments on the acting. I know it was a grueling seven days.. it was worth it. tx for the grand effort.

I need each of you to email me your names HOW YOU WANT THEM TO APPEAR IN CREDITS (no pressure [ShowtimeLA]). I want to double check spelling and such. XXXXXX can you send me XXXXXXXXX and XXXXX'S formal names I don't believe they are listed on this email list.

The screening will be 9/19 evening @ Universal with an after party at TBA. I have a limited number of tickets so I am sorry. I will be in touch about that. As soon as I have everything together with color, and score, I will arrange to get you all a copy.

- XXXXXX XXXXXX

My reply email:

On Fri, Aug 1, 2008 at 10:08 PM, wrote:

Because I am a freakazoid paranoid nutcase: Are you happy with the acting in the film?

Thanks
[ShowtimeLA]

The third email:

Hey [ShowtimeLA]-

To answer your last question. Hell YES I am happy with the acting- I luv it. You will luv it too. Trust me on this. No worries [ShowtimeLA].

Yes I want to put it up on imdb. I don't know how that works (that is why I was procastinating) so go ahead and do whatever you want with that as long as it is legal within their limits. If you could tell me how to get it up on there that'd be great. Not sure if you already know how to do it. I would have to research on the site but I can't do that right now too busy with the score. I would be doing it (imdb stuff) end of Aug or mid Sept so if you want to get things moving lets roll baby. Tell me what we should do. We can post it as being in post-production right??

***After the screening we are rollin' out to the festivals so pack up your LLBean carry-on and strap on your dancing shoes.

XXXXXXX

That crazy agent of mine is acting lik...

2008-08-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

A GODDAMNED AGENT, what the fuck!?!?!?!

I had a commerical audition yesterday, today and have one on monday. I had a total of 4 auditions in all of 2007-2008, then about a month ago, this kid starts getting a shit load of auditions. What is not good is that I have let my hair grow out and so I resemble nothing in my heads. Luckly I will have my new headshots up on the LACasting soon. And then.... everything will work according to plan!

ITS SHOWTIME!!

Yeah, the shoot is rockin.

2008-07-27T22:33:00.001-07:00

So I had my shoot on Saturday with Francesco Cura. It was a whole lot of fun. I did exactly what Amy Lyndon my micro-manager told me. I made 5 character bios for the following roles: 1/2 comedy/commercial, lovable boyfriend, 1 hour drama, neighborhood hangout guy, and Hollywood guy. I think that the pictures are going to come out nicely. This is was Francesco had to say:

[ShowtimeLA],

It was a wonderful shoot indeed. The pictures are awesome!!!!! I'm just experiencing a weird computer glitch...so I might be able to send you the link to the proofs early tomorrow. SORRY about that!!!

I can't wait to show them to you...

THANK YOU AGAIN...especially for your patience.

Francesco

-- The reason for linking is because I am trying to optimize my page...

Showtime!: The Show, time.

2008-07-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

Thats right I just had a big bad Hollywood fucking meeting, the kind where the who's who get together and spitball ideas, attach talent, snort mountains of blow off the table and have fluffers on call. Between shots of Patron, we fashioned what could be the next big thing. All we have to do is put the wheels into motion.

To that end:
I am readjusting the, previously set, score: Little Miss Showtime 1, Showtime 1.

See shes got a feature non union in preproduction, but I have a possible one man show in the works and you know that means....? Well, I dunno... but what I am saying is its the first hand Hollywood has given me, and I am gonna take it.

Thats right! Dad!! Harvard Law School can suck a fat cock, I am gonna be a reality star!

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

No, and I hope you get camera-shy and fail!

2008-07-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah this is exactly how to get someone to help you.
Blast an email out to everyone you ever worked with and ask someone to give you his agent. Furthermore, ask people who you would be competing with in the casting office.

No XXXXXXXXX I will not help you, and go fuck yourself with that good fortune.

NOTIME!

Hey guys!

I just booked a co-star role on the new TNT show, "XXXXXXXXXXXX," and I'm trying to use this opportunity to get theatrical representation. You know...strike while the iron's hot!

Please, if you're willing and able, email me recommendations of theatrical agents with whom I might work well. It's somewhat time sensitive: I have a meeting set up on Tuesday, and if it goes well, I'd like to deliver a prompt answer. To that end, I'm trying to schedule meetings as soon as possible in order to give quick responses.

It would be great to hear back from you today!

Thanks for all your support.

Cheers!
XXXXXXXXX

--
www.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.com

Showtime bested by #1 Fan

2008-07-24T02:51:00.001-07:00

Shes been out here for a little more than a month, is under 21, has a cute face, no actoraccess account, no headshots, and no resume. But she has a magnetic personality and has just surpassed showtime on the legitimacy scale and boy i am impressed. Proof that either some people have all the luck, or that Hollywood is very much about meeting the right people and then not fucking up the audition, take it for what you will.

ShowtimeLA's #1 Fan has scored a role on a soon to be shot indie feature. She booked the role on the first read. While the feature is an ultra low budget, she may get the excitement of shooting in Mexico (I don't mean Los Angeles, Mexico, but real Mexico).

I wish her all of the best, and I hope that she will be happy on the one month shoot as she seems to have had sometime acclimating, with the exception of networking, to the soulless world that is Hollywood.

KICK FUCKING ASS LIL SHOWTIME

http://www.newelementproductions.com/onestorythemovie.html

P.s. Not to be out down, you can find me in the upcoming MTV True Life: "I came out to Hollywood to be an Actor, and ended up fucking 30 men who claimed they could get me into pikchas"

P.P.S. I have a meeting about my upcoming Vlog tomorrow. Lets make it happen kiddies.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Yeah I am fucking good...

2008-07-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

Now wheres my agent, my film, my hookers and the blow?

Yeah so Amy Lyndon, my concubine and acting coach is whipping me into shape and I am getting this shit down son. My breakdown ability is rocking and my choices have become pretty dope. This wednesday Amy was on a tear and people were getting bounced to the back like no other. Luckily Showtime showed up with his a game. I did my scene, I got a correction, and I bounced. Back in time to bang some chick and catch the ballgame.

Headshots in 8 days.

2008-07-16T01:06:00.000-07:00

Sow when I started my diet on June 21st I weight around 202. Now I am down to 194. Yes I kick ass. Anyway I have 8 more days to drop as much weight as I can so I have started a regimen of blow and alcohol.

I met my headshot photog Francesco Cura. He seemed to be a really cool dude. Told me not to cut my hair. Cool. These headshots are going to rock and then I am gonna make me a muthafucking million dollars.

Kress, again...maybe....maybe

2008-07-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

You know,generally I don't wanna go to a club if any of the little people are gonna be there, but I may have to make an exception.

Kress is opening up its rooftop this weekend and while I have alread been there, done that and got the t-shirt... I may have to go back for a second helping. But some of my super friends better be there. I mean Paris can go if she wants, but that won't tickle my pickle.... I'mis only going if XXXXX, XXXXXXX, and XXXXXXXXXX are heading there.

You mean my agent whom I love ?!?

2008-07-09T16:32:00.001-07:00

My agent got me another mutha scratchin audition tomorrow... thats 2 in 2 days, the 2 more than I had gotten in all of 2007 .... nows we can start working on getting this young lady whos representing showtime a little bit of that mutha fucking scratch-skrilla action nah mean?

BRINKS HOME SECURITY OPERATOR.

ITS SHOWTIME!! Bizzels.

You mean my agent at dedicated??....

2008-07-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

The one who keeps getting me auditions.

Well, I know that I like to bitch and gripe and yes, this is a non-union commercial gig. But at least my agent is representing. She has gotten me two auditions in as many weeks. I gotta hit this one up tomorrow. Luckily I am one of the only 3 white men who can dunk, and I ain't talking about donuts.

gency: Dedicated - XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Phone Number: 626-XXXXXXXX

Date: 7/9/2008
Time: 11:45 AM

Project: XXXXXXX Casting Director: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Union Status: Non-Union Conflicts: none
Callback: 7/15/2008 Shoot: July 22 & 23
Talent: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Phone Number: 626-XXX-XXXX
Location: Lien Cowan Casting
7461 Beverly Blvd. Suite 201

LA, CA 90036

I am a well oiled MACHINE

2008-07-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah .... so this morning I saw something I haven't seen in a year. 197. My weight was 197. This is amazing, its going to keep me bursting through towards my goal of 10 lbs in a month. Although I have been building a lot of muscle mass so I will probably just judge by my stomach and belt.

I also found and chatted to my new headshot photographer: Francesco Maria Cura. I will be shooting around the 21st of July. Alright, its time to turn Hollywood on its ear bitches.

Wanna pick up an actor, open a laptop and start writing a script.

2008-07-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah so there are certain things, I am only just beginning to understand about this dump of a city. But one thing is for certain. Actors like writers. Why? Because they are the source from which an actor becomes an actor. A 1-trick-pony actor can only read lines and hopefully act. So they have a dependency on a writer to feed them lines.

The more interesting thing was that today, I pulled out my handy dandy laptop in class and suddenly people were inquiring what I was doing, what I was writing, and giving me kudos on putting my fingers to use. I also met an actress from class who let it be known that she was more then available for any projects that I might be able to cast her in. That was nice of her I suppose. She is a really decent actress, as well, so it could actually work out.

In any event heres the deal: guys if you are interested in how to get a conversation started with a girl-actor, pull out your laptop in an visible setting. Power up either Final Draft, or the free version, CeltX, and go to town. Within minutes you should be getting the players eye from any number of ladies. Ask if they are acting, then tell em you are working on the final touches before your literary agent ("at ICM") sends it off to Brian Glazer.

You really dont get it do you?

2008-07-02T00:18:00.000-07:00

So tonight I went out with some friends of mine to JPs Trivia Night. Lo' and behold a coworker of mine was there with a lady. I had brought XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX's manager, and a TV Developer from XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX...Showtime rolls deep, standard. Anyway I am introduced to my coworkers friend: "she is a working actor." The battle of snobbery begins. From the git go, I was trying to play along with her, because I didn't recognize her... I said to her "You are like a leprechaun, I didn't know you people existed"... referring to full-time actors. She wasn't having it. I played some other jokes. The other friends of mine played some jokes she wasn't having it.

WELL GUESS WHAT CUNT... You live on the WEST SIDE OF FUCKING SANTA MONICA, I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU, WHORE!!!!

Anyway... thats awesome that shes a poor fucking working actress... you don't get kodoz for making $40,000 a year from acting and calling yourself a working-actor. Yes you are! But you are a welfare actor. You get know right to be a snobby ass bitch.

IRregardless, I make more money at my day job...soo....koo koo katchoo.

TWAT!

ITS SHOWTIME!

If you want me at Les Deux, all you have to say is

2008-07-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

"Open Bar."

Yeah, you can probably find ShowtimeLA talkin shop with "Speidi," and maybe I will hang with that shuttlecockface Brody, but I will most certainly not be hanging out with everyones favorite "post-op tranny next door"-Lauren Conrad. If she tries to grab the single barrel pump action, my gf will kill her.

Thats it.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Humble Hollywood

2008-06-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I went to a party this passed Friday and it was a great time. The free food was so fucking good, the beverages were free and I just kept on a drinking. The coolesting thing about the party was that it was a lot of industry folk without all the industry bullshit. I went there as a complete no body, but still received a level of respect from everyone that much of Hollywood, especially the talent side, would have you not believe existed.

Now to be honest, there were a bunch of actors, all accomplished in their own right, but the coolest part was talking to the screen writers, directors etc. They were quite intelligent and really willing to engage in dialog surrounding some of the ideas presented in their films. I could have stayed there all night, although I must admit that the crowd was pretty intimidating: "I said I was 'kind of' actor" only once because it is mildly embarrassing when you have a major television star talking about his next film, and I was sitting their talking about my next non-union short audition....WOOWEEE!

We then left the party to go see WALL-E. WALL-E rocked.

I go to clubs that ain't even open yet.....

2008-06-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the finale of some Paris Hilton show for MTV.

Anyway the point of the post is that the show was shot at a newly revamped Restaurant/Bar/Roof-top club "Kress" on Hollywood Blvd. The space is very luxurious and while I don't anticipate ever seeing the inside again, I must say that it was pretty awesome.

I also wanna give huge props to Paris Hilton and/or Ish Productions and/or MTv, because they allowed us extras to drink real alcohol. This is a complete 180 from general production of tv, reality or otherwise.

Trust me, at the Beauty and the Geek taping, I was served grape juice. On Entourage I had to drink apple juice and call it champagne. Yeah, go suck of bag fulla testies Ashton and Vincent.

Like mama always said: Don't piss on my face and tell me its raining. That may or may not apply.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Things ShowtimeLA will not be doing....

2008-06-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

I am fat. So fat, in fact, that I haven't seen my cock in four in a half months. So No!, I am not comfortable getting naked for a reality web show.

I have to start reading the breakdowns before I submit to them.

Awesomest phrase of the day: "modesty garments"

Thank you,
I would really love to submit your info to the network.
Now, just incase you didnt see it on the posting, there is some nudity required for this. Basically you would be required to strip naked by the end of the shoot. But the nudity will be pixelated before it airs. The only people you would be naked in front of will be the camera guy & the director. If aren't comfortable being completely nude for the shoot, there are nude colored modesty garments available that day. These are only BOTTOMS, you will still be required to be topless for the shoot, but remember it will be pixelated, you will NOT be naked on the internet. You will be paid $200 for a 20 minute shoot, no audition required. You can see the other videos here to get an idea of how discreet the nudity is:

www.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.com

Let me know if you are still interested, and I will submit you right away! If you’re NOT interested, still reply because I am casting other projects as well.

If you ARE still interested I just need this specific info for the network:
-Full Legal Name
-Screen Name or "a.k.a." name
-Sex
-Age
-Full Mailing address
-Contact Number
-Contact email
-Have you been on Reality TV before? If so, what show's?
-Are you active in the adult film industry? If so, what is your porn name?
*Please email info to: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Its Showtime.

Wow a student who gives a rats ace.

2008-06-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I recieved in the mail a copy of a film a did about 2 months ago. I recieved it 2 days after the director told me he would send it. AMAZING!!!

Anyway the film is "cute" and I enjoyed watching it. A lot of lines were cut from the film, and it only runs 3 minutes long but I am gonna try to cut a 20 second spot out of it because I think it is beautifully shot -- and you know what... i need a fucking reel.

That is all.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

Some people know Richard Tyson

2008-06-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

So tonight at Trivia night at JPs on Wilshire and 11th St, there was a free-round-of-drinks question, it was "come up with your best pickup line."

After mulling it over for a while about the LA Lakers loss, about raping women and the like, I decided that I would call out the bars celebrity icon. I walked up and said:

"I am Richard Tyson's stunt double."
Richard Tyson is a fucking stud.

I overestimated the intelligence and age of the bar patrons this night. I thought they would have known "The Bully" from 3:00 High, "Crisp" from Kindergarten Cop.

They did not.

The MC for the night says quickly: "Who THE FUCK is Richard Tyson?" -- I knew my job was done.

Richard Tyson waltzes up to the MC and says, "Hi. I am Richard Tyson."
The MC goes "gay in the face."

Richard then inquires who made that pick up line....of course: its [ShowtimeLA].

Richard comes over and gives me a big ole handshake, and we part ways.

Next week we will share a drink.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!!

Some people make movies, Showtime makes beautiful art.

2008-06-17T17:29:00.001-07:00

From the Director/Producer:

hello to my brilliant cast....

just wanted to keep you updated. I have now looked thru most of the footage and I must say I am so excited even more so than before....if that is even possible. I am meeting with an editor tonite to discuss. As soon as I have a rough cut I am phoning you crazies to come watch.

Oddly enough that moving shot on the 170 is freakin sick. omfg [Costar] ...you will be so pumped.

[ Mom ] the cake scenes are powerful and I am so happy to see my words come to life. The slutty look really looks disturbing and your pain in the mirror just works perfectly.

[ShowtimeLA] the beginning pull up with the facial expressions and [ Extra ] laid out on the bed is wonderful. You will crack up. The stop light too, omg. haha.

I feel the same way about cake. I am still finding traces of it here and there.

I hope all of you have relaxed and come to life again. I know it was a grueling week but I can promise you that it will be so worth it. Trust me. I cannot wait for this screening but most of all for the festivals. I couldnt have gotten thru such a dramatic, comedic, powerful and meaningful piece without you guys and your positivity, willingness, devotion and your humor, god your humor saved us all.

I will keep you posted ok. And as soon as I have a title for our masterpiece you kids will be the first to know. I promise that.

Oh and the pig vag.....holy shit this is funny.

[ Mom ] I hope you made it safely home from CT, tell me when you want to catch up so I can return our stuff.
[ShowtimeLA] I hope things are back to normal at work and you are caught up
[Costar]lot I hope your film is kicking ass, stay rested.

ttys,

[Director]-

Shakeology shall shake it up.

2008-06-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

I got a call today from "Shake-o-logy" which is going to have me in to audition for their weightloss program. They will provide the weight training regimen, the dietary menu, and the shakes that I need to substitute one meal for (a day). In return they will photograph me before and after like that fat pig that I am. Quid pro quo.

ShowtimeLA

Things Showtime Already Knew:

2008-06-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

No shit I need my own show, and I will take it. Even if its on youtube and nobody watches it.

Hey everyone!

[ Thanks for the hardwork it was a great production ]. You are all so talented and just great people to be around. You all worked so hard on this and I look forward to celebrating with gimlets and cake. [ Producer ]....thanks for everything.... and hope you get some nice R&R.

So we all learned that [ShowtimeLA] and [ShowtimeLA's costar] need to have their own show. Thanks for the constant entertainment.

much love,

XXXXXXXX

Commercial may be in the bag?

2008-06-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

So....
I show up to the commercial audition for Sargento. There were only girls there, about 10 of them. That rules. I got called in immediately, had sides. My audition sucked stupendously. I am so rusty for commercials. Anyway, when I came out the only guy there was in his early 40s. There was only one girl there who was in her mid 30s, the rest were 20somethings.

I think I may actually bag this commercial by default! =)

I am scared of success.

2008-06-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

XXXXXXXXXXX ---
This is XXXXXXXX XXXXXX aka ShowtimeLA. It has been a long time since we last talked. You had presented me with the opportunity to vlog my hollywood experience, with an "openended" style, and I was rather overwhelmed. While I amassed some video footage, I thought you might not enjoy it and convinced myself not to send it. I have to be fully honest with you: I am or was terrified of success, and the opportunity you presented was a big step in that direction as far as exposure. I want to say thank you and please allow me to apologize for sandbagging myself.
Because of the open-ended nature of the vlog, I wasn't sure whether to talk about the reality of me being a wannabe actor (which is pretty pathetic), or the hyperbolic nature of the ShowtimeLA blog (which is meant to be really pathetic). After speaking with a friend who told me that I was an absolute loser for not taking you up on the offer, he gave me the idea that I could do two shows and split up the content. One show on the VCN would be the vlog based on the blog, and another show would be the hyperbolic cynical part of the blog, as my friend dubbed it: The "I Hate LA" or "Anti-Entourage" show.
I was wondering if you could give me the opportunity back as I would love to do this vlog and feel like I let you down for no reason.

Please consider it.
Thanks
"ShowtimeLA"

Its time to get fucking serious about acting again.

2008-06-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

I had a botched execution on life for the past few months. But now I got my bike, gas is insane, and I cut up my credit card so that I will not be eating out every day.

I am going to drop 10 pounds in the next two weeks.
I am going to get new commercial headshots.
I am going to get a new commercial agent and start booking.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Holy Shit! I got an audition, non union but whatever its paid!

2008-06-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought my agent didn't know who the fuck I am....she goes and gets me an audition, a non-union audition, but a paid gig nonetheless.

Audition Notice
You are requested to audition for the following project.
Please review the details below and confirm online.
Message: AN AUDITION! This audition is for Monday. It is non-union paying $2000. GOOD LUCK & please confirm on-line with this notice. XXXXXX
Agency: XXXXXXX - XXXX XXXXXXX
Phone Number: 626-484-2249

Date: 6/16/2008
Time: 2:40 PM

Project: SARGENTO Casting Director: XXXXXX XXXXx
Union Status: Non-Union Conflicts:
Callback: 18 JUNE Shoot: 22 - 26 JUNE
Talent: XXXXXXXX Phone Number: 6XX-XXX-2249
Location: XXXX XXXXXXXXXX Casting
321X Santa Monica Blvd. # 300 [Actors Use Stairs]

Santa Monica, CA 90401

Sure I will take a meeting with the XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX.

2008-06-13T12:29:00.001-07:00

Among other things Showtime did on the set of his last film (break hearts, develop the boom sleeve, plan a book) he and his costar also came up with a game show.

Well, tomorrow I am pitching the game show to my friend who works for XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. If he likes the idea, I am going to get "called in" for a "general meeting" with the big boss hog.

What could possibly go wrong except for making about a killion dollars.

ITS (game)SHOWTIMELA

FIN. THATS FUCKING RIGHT!

2008-06-10T05:12:00.000-07:00

FIN!

The Martini Hath Been Shot, bitches!

Yeah thats right. Its over. Its 5:15am on Tuesday. The film was supposed to wrap on Sunday, thats 48 extra hours, a shit load of money, a shit load of sleep deprivation, I am fucking drunk, and I have to go to work in 4 hours. Its muthafucking over. The director almost wrapped before the last shots were done because she couldn't handle it anymore. The two actors remaining, Showtime and brother, and the director of photography (that anal muthaclucker) convinced her to get one last shot. Its over.

And the last shot was heaven sent. Me and my coactor got lost in burbank, stranded from the crew (4 of us, down from 10 the night before, down from 15 the day before) and I stopped the vehicle I was driving right in front of a pink neon window sign. This was destiny because part of the movie plays off these awful pink balloons I bring "my mother." So the DP creamed for the shot because it was so beautiful.

In any event. We are golden. The acting was great, I probably gave one of the most natural (i.e. best) performances of my career, no overacting, no underacting, just [ShowtimeLA].... the story has a great arc, and the cinematography may make ones balls melt. The question isn't whether the film will further my career, add clout to the directors portfolio or beef up the dps already unreal demo...the question is how many short film festivals are we gonna sweep.

I am not being overzealous here when I say that this film was the perfect storm of non-union folk ready for the big-time, non-union actors, dps, directors ready to bring the rawkus to hollywood.

I am just sad that its over, because well.... its time to look for new friends.

For all who give a rats ass, look out for "The Maniac" coming to a festival near you.

Fuck off hollywood, fuck you SAG.

ITS SHOWTIME!

p.s. I would kill a man for 8 hours of sleep.

Yeah Showtime will bring you your fucking food!

2008-06-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight almost was a disaster.

We filmed at the Real Estate cafe in Wood Hills, CA. Right off the bat, I locked my keys in my car. This really fucking sucked. No one wanted to drive me to Santa Monica to get my spare and back to my car and then back to homebase in North Hollywood. After the first set shoot at the cafe, I exclaimed to the director: 'I don't care how it happens, I need to get my car so I can go to work in 10 hours.' No answer, no one wanted to deal with the reality. In life there are people who do the simplest thing possible to get the job done and people who throw so many obstacle in their path that they cant even see the jobs goal. Showtime gets shit done.

I rattled cages. We drove back to home base. The makeup girl XXXXXX XXXXXX lent me her car, Showtime likes manual shifting, and I blasted back to Santa Monica like a rocket. I then scaled the gate to my apartment building. I live on the second floor. I stood on the 1st floor balcony's divider, it got scary as hell. I reached up and lunged for my balcony's divider. It was go time! I grabbed a hold with both hands onto my divider, did a pull up, through my legs on the balcony ripped a hole in my pants, sweated, looked down and saw death, finally coming to rest with an adequate foothold. I got my keys, drove back to home base.

Two hours later the same makeup girl drove me back to the car, why? Because none of the other dirt bags on set would drive me...fuckers!

==============

So morale was dangerously low this morning. We were out of time, shots had not done to well. The crew what the crew does best which was sit on their fucking asses. Only the sound, dp, ac and director were up. The rest of the guys were sleeping, acting surly, or sitting around shitting in their pants.

When I drove my car back from the first set, I was told that I, THE TALENT... had to go pick up food. Wheres the fucking PA? --- and then I was told that I needed to hurry cause the crew wanted there food NOW!!! "WELL THEN HIRE A FUCKING PA!"

===============
The rest of it:

2:30am The director couldn't wrap me, because she needed to get one more shot.
4:30am The FUCKING Red One ($30,000 camera) falls off the tripod and breaks the lense, thats a $1000 problem. Shooting comes to a halt.
5:30am Shooting resumes, I know I am neither going to get wrapped or shoot my piece, i am just sitting there.
6:30am I tell the director to either send me home now and I will come back later, or keep me around and lose me forever at 9pm. I get wrapped.
7:00am I get into bed, I have to be at work in 3 hours, and I start filming pickups in 10 hours.

FUCK!

ITS SHOWTIME!

Yeah its a "Great Way" to break into showbiz.

2008-06-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

So I hit it off with the ADs girlfriend, not in that way! We had good rapport. She wants to move to NYC, I lived in NYC. I am from Virginia, her parents lived in Williamsburg up until 3 years ago. I know a bunch of shit about the business side and show great interest in her career. She enjoyed me showing great interest in her career.

IN ANY EVENT:
She works for XXXXXX XXXXXXXX as an assistant to "whos who of producers" XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX and is currently producing the third installment of XXX XXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXX ... I asked her if she could get me a job ... at the end of the shoot, she asked for my business card and headshot. I THOUGHT I didn't have one, so I asked for hers (everyone in the room wanted it :)) ... she gave me a card. I told her I would give her a bbm.

THIS IS ALL GOOD SHIT.
ALL FUCKING GOOD.

ITS MUTHAFUCKING SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Third night shoot in a row

2008-06-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

My god, I think my eyeball is gonna shoot out of my fucking head. Its sunday morning and I just returned home from the third night shoot in a row. Its been a great week, AND APPARENTLY, the footage is all fucking stellar. The problem is that by 2am I was losing gas and tonight we had to shoot the most important scene of the movie. Everyone was losing gas. EVERYONE. The grips, gaffers dp, ad, and director were all tuckered out. I am fucking dying.

I also ate about a pound of yellow cake with frosting. For one scene, involving cake eating, we took about 15 different shots, with varying numbers of takes. I am fat.

The director said she was happy with the takes. She is also a little biased. All I wanna do is make her happy and believe that she is happy. So far, I trust that she likes what we are doing.

Tomorrow is the last day* and I have a 4:00pm call.

*I may have pickups at 6:00am on monday morning.

In any event, its time for me to go to bed.

ITS SHOWTIME!!!

The Shoot Day 4

2008-06-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight we shoot in diner.
The call time is 9pm and shoots through the morning.
The last time I had a night shoot was a fucking disaster.
The actors get tired very quickly from waiting between the takes.
The DP, Directors, grips, gaffers, sound and lighting all get grumpy and cranky.
Power nap occurring now.
I will be back after the shoot to discuss how it went.

Sound Guys Have Lore TOO!!

2008-06-04T16:31:00.000-07:00

So as a non-union fuckwad in Hollywood I have heard all the actor lore about Taft-Heartly this, who sucked dick to get their first role, and who has "Extras cant look me in the eye"-clauses in their contracts. I never new there was other lore, but there is, I give you "sound guy lore":

The difference between a true professional actor and an amateur is not talent, but rather, how an actor conducts himself when he is mic'd, or lav'd (short for lavaliere mic), up.

If sound guy lore is to be believed.....
Tom Sizemore likes to bait sound guys by talking about his crack problems, then when he sees the sounds guys taking the bait, he switches the conversation, monologue to something complete different or obscene but legal, just to fuck with them.

If sound guy lore is to be believed.....
"On Robert De Niros last film" he was having a private discussion with an actor, and the sound guy failed to remove his earphones after the take, meaning that he could here everything DeNiro was saying. When DeNiro looked over and saw this, he said "Oh you like that sound guy?" the sound guy looked at DeNiro and DeNiro coldly quipped: "You're fired."

Yeah, not very interesting, but the banality of the hollywood set seems to lend itself to these types of stories that keep extras and below the line on their toes, looking for a way in or looking to NOT fuck up.

ITS SHOWTIME

The Shoot Day 2

2008-06-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

Todays shoot, went with a hitch. I arrived on the set at 9am. Did some rehearsal for about 15 minutes and then continued to sit around until the first take, which was 2 hours later. This is just the kind of thing that happens so. As "talent" you have to be prepared to wait a while for lighting and sound. The shoot went well, although I was hungry as fuck and we only got one meal the whole shoot. Which ate cock. This kid needs food to operate.

Anti-actor diatribe:

I came to the conclusion that acting is stupid. All the heavy lifting, so to speak, is done by lighting, sound, the dp, the grips, the camera ops and the director. Actors always have this air about them, but in the long run they seem so fucking insignificant to a production. If they are great actors.... cool, much respect, but it doesn't take a great actor to make a great film. It takes a decent actor, and a decent director: "On this next line add some rage, on this line show grief." If an actor sucks so bad that she cannot, within some arbitrary amount of time say 20-30 minutes, find an emotional color on their crafts palette, then she is not an actor but merely a script reader. Where was I? Oh yeah, so I am acting in this film, and I love the character, and love the part, and I love the story, but all the people behind the camera are having MORE fun. I hate how actors are called 'talent' on the set ... if we are being fair and honest, then actors should either be called 'actors' as an objective job title for the project, or 'characters' as the more specific job description within the project. 'Talent' should be reserved for the writer, first and foremost, and the director secondarily. Suppose I played guitar and someone wrote some sheet music. Me being able to play said sheet music doesn't make me talented, it just means that I know a technique to read notes off a page and transform them to finger positions and strum a guitar string...does that make sense? It is not "talent" that I can pick up a piece of black and white text and say it with the writers intentions --- this is merely a technique I learned in XXXXX XXXXXXX's Meisner training fused with Amy Lyndon's technique.

thats it.

The Shoot Day 1

2008-06-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

So today was shoot day one. Guess what? Me and my "brother" met at directors apartment and no one was there. Oh, and when called her, no one picked up. And when she called us back, she said her AD ***** told her that we called us to tell us that the first day was cancelled.

FUCKING AWESOME, AN ENTIRE DAY WASTED -- I coulda gone to work.

Its not Showtime!

Yes, Showtime will grace thy presence

2008-05-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

You may ask how Showtime gets invitations like these..... lots of money and blowjobs. In any event, you will find me up in the club, bottle bub, sub?

Moveover freemasons / jews / scientologists....theres a new kid in town

2008-05-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

I found out today that there are clandestine above the line groups that control the entire hollywood scene.Like a massacre on the chattanoogah choo choo, these groups leave nothing but death in their wake. They are the eyes and ears of the industry. They are working the desks of CAA, they are working PA at Warners, and they talk. They talk about what scripts are coming up. They are talking about whos green lit, whos not, who got attached, who got the standing offer, who got released from their contracts ... the status of funding.... in short --- the of the privileged few, whose cock one must sit atop to make it in this industry.

I got the name of one such google group. Apparently if you do not have an invite into the group you get blackballed from that group and said group will tell other groups to not let you in. And if you are talent, you can get unofficially blackballed by the casting directors groups....its pretty scary out there to be an actor.

I have already said too much.

That is all.

Yeah I can sit like a chumpion.

2008-05-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

Not that I didn't know this probably would happen, but today I did not see Sidney Pottier. I did see David Fincher, and Jodie Foster. As per usual, when she came out all the fuck stick actors starting clapping ---- god this hollywood actor shit is one big circle jerk; I sat in the back with the production team and writers. It was a lot more refreshing. One thing that is cool is that all the kiddies out there who wanna break into the website scene (get money for their blogs, movies etc) know my company XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX as the rockstars of the online world. Meanwhile I am trying to break into their side. So when I tell them that they need 100,000 hits a day, and they are sad because they only get 10 hits a day... I empathize because achieving that kind of readership is like getting "2 or 3 guest star roles" (WHICH ARE THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO OBTAIN APPARENTLY!)

Cocky cock cock.

Its Showtime.

Yeah, its about that time....

2008-05-15T00:36:00.000-07:00

Lemme break you off somethin' smooth.

Tonight in Amy Lyndon's coldreading class, I did what I call the "First round, first bunch knockout."
I was tired as balls, got the script, broke it down, basically knew what I was doing. Then when my partner and I got on stage, I took in her fierceness ('fierce', 'hot mess') and I was struck with pure terror. The entire time I thought I was fucking up but the beat rolled on. We were asked to start over twice, but only cause of technical issues.

After we did it the first time, Amy was like 'pull up the chairs.' I was overwhelmed with joy, I had never gotten it "right" the first time thru. And Amy busts our balls if we are bad, which is rockin, so I am pretty sure it was authentic praise.

Rock on. She also likes my new long hair, much like all the other ladies in H-wood so, you know...once Showtime gets his new headshots, Showtime is gonna be doing national commercials like its going outta muthafuckin style.

I digress.

The one essential problem is that I cringe and do not let go. I can let go without the script, but that fucking security blanket shackles my creativeness down. Its wierd. I said that I was probably afraid of failure. She said I was probably afraid of success. The latter is of course true which is why I haven't followed through on my VLOG. But I am still gonna do it, nothing ventured nothing gained.... its time to fucking go, cause I aint getting any younger.

================

Also, through my industry friends (yeah I got friends from Emedol, to CAA, to Playboy bitches) I got a chance to do a PSA with Jodey Foster and Sidney Pottier tomorrow. Its directed by David Fincher (yes, that one)

Its time to turn on the smoothness and prove to Hollywood once and for all that Jodey ain't gay she just aint met ShowtimeLA.

ITS SHOWTIME!

I can't believe this... you gotta be kidding son.

2008-05-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah ---
So here's the deal guys. When an actor, or should I say a person "who acts," donates 4 days without pay with the idea that they are gonna get a great product, or rather great footage for their reel, don't be a chumscrubbing scallywag and drop the ball on the last minute.

I am still waiting for the final product from a film I did eight months ago. This is unexceptable.
But besides that, I recieved an email from the writer/director of a film a did 2 months ago and he told me that he needed me for ADR.

He says if he couldn't get me in, that he would 'work with what he had.' I told him to call me and that we should make the product as best we can. The problem is that there is no incentive for these kiddies to put the 100% of their effort into the last 10% of the film-to-release process. There are no producers, there are only teachers. Its bullshit.

So needlesstosay unless I can bust his balls about it, the film will probably be a patchy quilt of shots, shawdy audio quality and shit.

Man thats enough to make me wanna hop on a seatless bike and go for a sunday ride down to the promenade.

In any event, my latest project should rock --- but still.... either way in Hollywood as in life:
Either grab your balls and go hardcore, or don't go at all... and don't, for the love of christ, ask people to dedicate their time and money to a project if you don't plan on seeing it all the way through.

My agent STILL DONT KNOW WHO IM IS!!!

2008-05-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

For the love of fucking Christ. I talk to girls and guys who get personal phone calls, go out to lunch, and discuss career changing moves with there agents. My agent trolls the bottom-feeding break downs for non-union parts to send to her "clients." I ACT, MAKE ME AN ACTING PROFESSIONAL!!! Oh and by the way, this isn't a scoop, I already saw this on LaCasting, so don't think for two seconds that you would get 10% for this shit.... Anyone out there making money through The Jerry Pace Agency/Dedicated? And for fuck sake, what a misnomer... "Dedicated" ... how dedicated are you when you are stringing out your clients for a $50 pay day. FUCK!

Is anyone interested in being submitted for the following breakdown? This is a LIVE event. It is for the ComicCon Convention 7/15/08. It is no union affiliation. I have no more info so please do not ask. Now, you know as much as I do. If you are interested, please e-mail me back immediately, today 5/13 only. e-mail only, e-mail only, e-mail only marciar1@sbcglobal.net

COMIC CHARACTERS / Male or Female / All Ethnicities / 18-38 This is for ComicCon Convention 7/15/08
Event in San Diego. We will be creating some buzz with a live performance featuring actors that will be acting in-character in and near by our booth. Actors will be spouting propaganda similar to that which you hear on the street corners of LA from quasi-homeless fanatics and will be wandering the crowd to pass out fliers, chat with onlookers, and generally act in-character the entire time.Rate: $500/8

Read my lips 'Its Getting More Expensive' to be a broke ass actor...

2008-05-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

Yeah you heard me. ShowtimeLA said it first.

The latest criteria by which high rolling fake @$$ wannabe producers/writers/directors/casting directors are NOT calling in actors is whether or not they have a demo reel, a fake demo reel or real demo reel...they just need to make sure that your ugly fat ass looks decent on film. Because 99% of us choose the best headshots to represent ourselves and then show up on the dailies looking like a bunch of slack-jawed pedophiles, we are increasingly being required to have some footage on our profiles, it should be 1-3 minutes OF PRIME SHIT. Be objective. Do not demo 'Your best work' (i.e. relatively decent cuts) if your work sucks cock.

Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Failure--O!!!

So heres the muthascratchin actors quick-guide handbook for what you need to get started on your long, hard and desolate dead end road to acting failure:

1. The Headshot - The actors face. What you look like. Casting directors needed to know that you are a blonde with blue eyes and a jaw line to suck on, not some busted set of meat wheels.

2. The (fake?) resume - On the back of the headshot, write your credits. Yeah, no one cares unless they are real credits because they can't be verified except with tape, and if the tape was good and marketable it would be submitted to imdb and put on the festival circuit. Anyway, if you don't have real credits, go and mix and match names of films, and mix and match names of directors ("Star Blogs 2: A Showtime Hope Director Max Spielberg").... no one cares, you are guilty until innocent...the films do not exist until they are viewed by a paying public (cause its show business).

2a. The real resume - When you start racking up IMDB-verifiable credits, replace those shit-eating tosser films that you did as a young actor, that you did just to 'sharpen your craft' (yeah right!).

3. The (fake?) Demo Reel - Okay, I have done 30-40 maybe 50 projects, seriously. I can use the footage on 3 or 4 max. I still do not have enough time for a great demo so I may end up going to a reel-faker. Yeah its "dishonest" but this acting game is just that and you have to game the system. So if you do not have footage, pay the $400 to get a fake demo reel, trust me: there is no nobility in waiting 10 years to get an authenticate great collection of your work together, when you could dupe Hollywood now and be on your way to snorting coke off the tender chestical of the next never-will-be while getting blown by her roommate, Antoine.

4. The real Demo Reel - Again, once those real IMDB-verifiable credits start coming in, once you start having roles in award winning films (regional, national, international), tv, features, indies etc, you can replace those canned post-coital breakup scenes (see #3) with authentic brilliant work.

Disclaimer: I am a complete hollywood failure, and a complete loser, but I know one thing... Hollywood is a game, you can either game the system or the system can game you. Don't miss your chance at an oscar because you attempted the noble approach to an ignoble industry. Fuck Hollywood.

Its Showtime!!!

Ladies track down showtime....

2008-05-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes through his lady.

Yeah, so I am just sittin here on the muh cluckin grind, cause you know I got to eat on these streets, plus I am married to the streets, we call it thug matrimony; and this Ms. Thang comes blowin me up on my facebook. The girl has something like 30-friends, and her connection is through my 'the-girl-i'm-is-dating'.

So I'm is like who the hell could this be? And my 'the-girl-i'm-is-dating' replies that she doesn't know. So I contact the girl and I say, 'yo beau, who be you? foo!' We have a little banter, she tells me she recognized me from a Hollywood club [Who hasn't right? (Stay the fuck away from me Lindsay)] and so a couple days later, she passes the "[ShowtimeLA] Friendship Test".... then comes that all too familiar email:

"...blah blah blah....
By the way, if you wanna know who I am you can google me,
I'm an actress!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Showtime has been had once again, she wants to ride my coattails to stardom....
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

ITS SHOWTIME!

p.s. Cockjammers, we are not all actors. I am not an actor, "I act." Actors make money because its a job. You aren't a painter until you make money, until then "You just paint for the love of it." Otherwise: I am a politician, actor, philosopher, basketball player, ultimate fighter, pornographer, and writer. And I computer program in my spare time.

An 'interesting' email

2008-05-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

A film that I completed a month or so ago, has now entered the ADR phase. That is good news. What isn't good news, nor is it bad news is that the writer/director XXX XXXXXXXXX called me and told me that he feels "it's gone down an interesting path, but thats just [him]." Of course my knee jerk reaction is that I'm is a shitty actor and ruined yet another film (albeit this one is not a porn). I backed him into a corner like a psychopathic girlfriend: "Was it me?! Is it me?? IS IT ME?!?!?" Holding a knife to his neck, he assured me it was not me but that the film itself had just taken an interesting path and to "stop crying." I suppose that is good. This question I must now ask is, what defines an 'interesting path?'

An industry insider I discussed this with told me that it could mean its going to be slated for limited release. I told XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX, that the film was 'me' vs. a Dandelion. 2 Characters, me, the star, and a plant. I am just not sure. It was meant to be a black comedy. Did it turn into a dramatic love story? Where the cuts bad, the lighting blown out, does it play like a B-horror flick?

Until I find out what he means, I will be having nightmares and not of The Dandelion nature.

ITS SHOWTIME!

Its cliche, God this town is lame.

2008-05-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

I'm is by no means a man. I would never claim to be cool, and the last time I checked I was youporn's #1 leach; but one thing I can say is that Hollywood/LA dudes are lame as shit. This is the only town, "supposably," where you can hit on another dudes girl and you have an almost 100% guarantee that he won't say anything, and a 95% guarantee of leaving with the girl after she sees her man just standing there [I heard this from a guy who heard it at the Mystery Method seminar, GREAT HEAR-SAY!!!]

Where was I going with this post?

Oh yeah "Showtimes #1 Fan" ("Lil Showtime" going forward) has been getting hit on ad nauseum, supposedly, by industry people. Now I am not saying this is cliche for no reason. This is the exact same thing that happened to ShowtimeXGF. And why not, I would imagine that flashing an Endeavor b-card pulls more wool than a muthafuckin pound of rice is Port-au-Prince, nah mean?

--- Side note: While it is cliche that industry dudes flash their talent handler credentials and actor women seem eager to please for a chance at fame, the opposite seems to also occur with regularity, that is I have heard of male actors begging women in the industry for opportunities asswell. Ain't that right XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX? ---

Anyway, Lil Showtime has been approached by everyone from talent managers at Le Deux, to homeless men peeing on the corner of the Pinks stand, all promising fame, fortune, fertility, and fun for her hand in marriage. Now, Lil Showtime is a cute girl, but I must say that this seems to be such a recurring unoriginal theme: Industry dudes using their job (not necessarily career) to curry favor with young ladies pursuing the acting profession. I wonder if political aids do the same thing, actually I am pretty sure they do .... Showtime once hooked up with a farm lobbyist, apparently a corn husker .

Anyway I am kind of worried about Lil Showtime. I think she trusts people just enough to wind up in a whole heap of trouble.

I guess this post really had no point. Surprise surprise. I just thought it was worth stating my thoughts on the subject. To all the girls pursuing an acting career, make sure you get sent to your first audition before hopping on that casting couch.

I Drink Your Milkshake!

2008-05-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

Its 8:47am, I got hammered last night and decided that "No Country For Old Men" is the greatest movie that never ended, what I am I doing up... I am listening to the beautiful sounds of rain hitting the asphalt, its a tranquil melody which tinkles my pickle.

There are two interesting metaphors that I have heard lately that I would like to discuss because I think that they deserve to be.

In my last class at Amy Lyndon's coldreadin' workshop, she discussed what is known as "Filling up the Funnel." It is the idea that you are doing all sorts of projects, all sorts of work on the side, and in general doing anything and everything to promote yourself in your career (acting or other). While you are accomplishing all of these tasks, you are 'filling up' this proverbial 'funnel.' Once you have enough projects and accomplishments, the funnel becomes full and starts to runneth over, like a popcorn maker I guess... in any event, once these previous accomplishments and tasks start to be displaced, your life, career path, etc becomes a perpetual motion machine, if you can keep this up you will fulfill all available obligations to yourself, so on and so forth, and whence success is made all the more possible (tho not inevitable);
But where do these displaced tasks go? Do you just check em off the list like a 'Position of the Day' calendar? No, you....

ENTER METAPHOR #2

Building the mountain beneath to reach the stars (yeah its corny, I have no clue what else to say)

When discussing success in our noble endeavors, XXXXX XXXXXXX, the #1 smartest person I know (although I did eat his lunch in Cranium), brought up the idea that success is more or less a cumulative result of our previous/current endeavors. He had/has been writing, reading, public speaking, had been an analyst, had done standup comedy in nyc, worked security at Cartier, is an MMA enthusiast, etc. What do these have in common? Nothing, except that he has an arsenal of different experience that he can use to combat many obstacles that could get in his way to ultimate success. He currently has his hand in many horse pies: he publishes a successful blog with an exploding readership, writes arguments for politicians (yes they really do not have to think), and does a bunch of other cool shit.
In any artistic endeavor, whether trying to act or trying to why the next killer app it is important to know, to experience, and to build upon it all.
Yes there are people who are able strike gold with the first swing of the pickax, but for most of us, success comes from trial and error, accomplishments and failures, and leveraging all of the knowledge, experience, and assets that one has.

Just because you wanna be the next Meryl Streep, don't just stick to learning 'how to act,' learn a bunch of other shit, learn how to speak a different language, learn how to program software, learn how laugh at yourself. Experience in conflicting or differentiating endeavors will increase the way we think and approach problems. Man, did any of this make sense, I just got bored writing it, I know I had a point....

Yes, 'Fill up that Funnel,' but don't let those funnel fillers fall for nothing, collect them as they fall out of that funnel and build upon them. Success is simple, it just takes patience, and a huge wang.

Changing up looks...yep.. its GO TIME!

2008-05-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

So ShowtimeLA has been somewhat of an absolute fuckin failure in Hollywood. Yes, I have snorted coke of the tender loins of a nubian princess, yes I have met XXXXXXXXx XXXX, yes she did have me arrested. At some point you either have to bag it up or, like a lonely fuckstick in complete dillusional denial say: 'It must have been my look.'

I have come to grips with the idea that Hollywood is not short on its supply of 2x (elder 20s) year old 185 lbs white guys with short brown hair. So you now what I did? I upped the anti, I stopped working out and became an unattractive elder-20s 205 lbs white guy with short brown hair. that got me no where ----- CUT TO HOLIDAY:

There are many a way to tell if you are fat. You have moobs, man boobs; you have moob smooob, man boob sweat boob; you have smoob; or in my case: you haven't seen your penis in a fortnight. My mother not knowing of the latter has thankfully provided me with an inexplicable gift, "The Perfect Pushup." Yep she bought me the gift that only a mother, whos son has developed boobs bigger than her own, could give. I tried it out. Its money -------- BACK TO BIDNESS:

Anyway, so I have grown out my hair and lemme tell you. I look like a fucking white darth vader and the ladies are loving it. I put my fingers through my long locks and they see a man who will never go bald. I drop the top on the beemer and that hair goes flying every which way and man oh man, I look like a guy who has got it made (NOT MADE!) .... in any event, I look like grizzly adams, I am gonna thin out and go get some new headshots... its gonna be rockin --- I already have my looks picked out... fuck off, die, because SHOWTIME IS GONNA HAVE THE LAST FUCKING LAUGH!!!!!

Virginia (and Showtime) Is For Lovers

2008-05-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

So..... I lost my mind in Los Angeles for a little bit. the acting game and the barrista game were driving me a little insane... I mean, how many muthafuckin machiados can a muthafucker make (alliteration royalties 5 cents/use)... anyway, I came back to my roots in Alexandria VA... lemme tell you it is great being back how. Gas is barely $4 gallon, there are shrubs and greenery, there is humidity, the smell of dampness, there was a thunderstorm tonight and if you have ever been outside of Los Angeles, you know the feelin, the sound of the fire, the flames, the steel and the thunder. When that thunder rolls, it just grounds you, know pun intended, I love it.

I went into north east DC last night, had a great time, I am collecting myself, I am gonna write all day tomorrow, and I am gonna kick out some scripts.

In any event. I wanted to say its great to be back in The Old Dominion. And Happy Mothers Day.

Its Showtime!

I am a blogstar, yes I am a blogstar....

2008-05-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

Who shows up in Santa Monica, but a sweet little Ms. Thang, known as ShowtimeLAs #1 Fan. So on the backend, I must be fully forthcoming that showtime meets many a person. Steven Speilberg emailed me one day and asked if I wanted to be Han Solo in Star Wars 7, I told him: "No! I am holding out for a director with a few credits." In any event, showtime gets emails....emails from girls.....emails from hot starlets who dream of coming out to Los Angeles to make it as film stars/porn stars. I am always willing and ready to oblige in all of the requests: "Is making it in hollywood easy?", "Yes," "Can I sleep with you, Showtime?," "Nope, thanks been there done that, got the std to prove it, Ms. Scarlett Johannson." But the fact of the matter is that a girl actually fell for my stupidity and had the balls to come out to LA to try her hand at acting. I will call her Ms. Nixon, not because her name sounds like Nixon, but because she is just coniving enough to get caught with her pants down and thrown out of Hollywood forever.

She is much prettier and probably more talented than I am. I came out when I was 25, she is here and she is 2x, lets just say earlier 20s. She has a lot of stage work and a curvacious figure, the kind of figure you wanna drink bottled water out of and then discard in the waste bin. I look like a marshmellow with titties, no snaps, a marshmellow with jugs. I digress. Sweet. In any event, I am glad that she is here, because I can ride on her pig tails to the top, or I can at least make 100k telling scandalous stories and the likesto The Enquirer after she makes it.
See? Its Win-Win.

ShowtimeLA has the game all sewed up in horse pies !

ITS SHOWTIME!